jiaying. (:
fifth april.

family, friends & dance

HCMAD<3 07S79 adeline ann audrey ainan bertilla charmaine cherylchang clarice estelle ezra huitian jess jiayi jiayun joanne kelvin liuqian meiling mianrong mieoteng nicholas nicole qianying ruixiong sherene serene shionyee siyu stacy tisiana tingyu thomas vanessagoh xianhuan xiyu xueen yueyang yunning
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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

i went back to Nanyang yesterday to watch A Hatful of Stars II. it was very very touching, especially especially the first video where we can see ourselves in, when it was OUR hat full of stars :) suddenly allllll the memories come flooding back, the song was super apt, "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" i suddenly recall how we prepared for hfos, how we stayed back in school till super super late, how we practised, how we danced, how we went allll the way to changi hospital to prac amazonic cause it was a sunday and the school wasnt open and there were no venues. everything everything, so much so much. MR RAJ!!!! i never dared to talk to him when we were still in nanyang, it feels cool yet surreal how the 3 of us can joke around and laugh at him, with him yesterday night when we passed him the board from us. :D im really super grateful to him. come to think of it, he was the one who made our batch so bonded. and just like what i wrote in the note to him, mr raj, "thanks for teaching us the meaning of dance, and making us the people we are today" :)

i haven felt like this for a very long time. i haven missed nanyang for a very long time. cause i think hwachong kinda felt more like a home to me now. but yesterday when we went back to that building, when we went back to the STUDIO, i seriously seriously MISSED NANYANG and i felt like going back. when nothing was too complicated, when studying isnt so hard, when everything is much simpler and happier, when life still did not start to suck. haha. nymd used to mean the world to me, and as time passed the feeling sort of faded. i admit, there were times when i thought of the times in nanyang i wonder why and how i could have loved nymd soooo much. and last week when i went back, while everyone felt like being back there, i felt scared that the past 1 year and 4 months would actually just be a dream and i would be back in nanyang again and that feeling was just weird. but yesterday i felt it again, the passion for nymd :) nymd, where i truly danced for the first time. nymd, mr raj's "grandfather talks" (quoting jiayi) and his many many valuable lessons; nymd, how we knocked it down during dance camp; nymd, how we had our very first dance production having our debut in front of the whole school; nymd, how we are the dancers and we create the dreams. yesterday, i felt it again, how much how much nymd means to me. :)

we went back a few times last year, they were truly countable cause there werent that many, but i realised we haven taken off our shoes and went down to the dance floor for 1 year and 4 months. yesterday when we went down there again, jiayi meisiew and i, and xianhuan huitian. 3 modern dancers, 2 chinese dancers, we were reminded once again of the times when we were practising down there, how we stretched with the bars, how the hexagonal dance studio lets us see ourselves everywhere :) looking up when you're at the dance floor feels different, and nostalgic. that was when i wanted the past 1 year 4 months to be a dream and i wanted to be back there again. i read my blog archive like during dec 06, i said "i hope that one day i can love mad as much as i love nymd". and for a rather long time, i thought that i have actually grew to love mad MORE than nymd. but after yesterday i realised, hahaha, i love both, but in different ways. its just a very different feeling. mad makes me feel more ..in reality. nymd makes me feel more like i'm in a dream, especially during hfos. hahaha. both has given me SO much. haha, see what dance do to us :)












the very nice and meaningful present we got for him and he was so touched! :D its such a pity only the 3 of us could make it yesterday night :(


FINALE: THE instructor. :D 1 year ago if you tell me to take a photograph with him i could have died from fear, HAHA

i screwed up my blocks. and now its screwing up my life.

the worstttt thing is that I STUDIED. OKAY. i studied. and i get such horrible grades, so what do you want me to do now. seriously, it feels so so discouraging and demoralising. i mean, think about it and put yourself in my shoes, you studied okay. its not like you frigging slacked the whole of march hols (as short as it is) away and you really tried, yet you do like shit. do you feel like studying anymore? no? i hate it when effort doesnt equals results, and im not asking for some As cause i know i cant do it, but at least give me some decent grades????? and stop coming back to haunt me. people say study harder, but when effort doesnt equal results, you mean you still have the motivation to even try? but well, its not like i have a choice. im just plain stupid. i mean, i got into hc by chance anyway.

no wonder i say my 18th life so far has been horrible.

im not sad, or anything like that. okay i admit obviously i WAS sad. i felt horrible, but i've gotten over it. now its all exasperation and just really irritated, at myself? at life.

ah! hahah haven blogged for very long, quite alot of stuff to update about. but actually i only have around 5mins here so shall leave all of them to another day :) SHAKE'o8 is coming in one month!!!!!!! GO DANCERS we shall rock the stage and leave a memorable impression on the whole of hwachong on the 16th & 17th may :)

Shake' o8
16th & 17th may 2008
730pm
hc audi
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okay i really enjoy the dances i am in now so it feels very nice! omg hahaha i think it feels so super nice to be able to dance, i dontknow how to explain haha it just feels veryyyyy nice :) and and life's like super busy now, with dance and tuition and school and homework and tutorials and remedials. oh ya nymd's hfos2 is this saturday!! go juniors!! though i barely know half of them haha and they didnt even know who are we when jiayi sharon meisiew and i went back to ny last thursday. the feeling of going back to the studio feels ..weird and strangely familiar. a bit scary. a bit nice. i dontknow how to explain, alright jiayou juniors and go mr raj. :D

ahhhhhh and these days in school. i'm kinda worried about something/someone right now, i think i suck. okay. ah. but second chances dont come so easily i know and im kinda ashamed of myself. argh sometimes i really hate myself and this is one of those times, i dont know why did i do what i did, and i dont know how i could have done it. and here are all the regrets.

im running 2.4 tmr! i think im going to die. okay there goes my 5minutes. byebye :)

am currently overwhelmed after watching our SYF Journey video. here is it:



the most memorable dance of my life.
seniors!!!! ahhhhh











i found this on meiling's blog last year, a few days after SYF



Journey, M.A.D modern dance~ for M.A.D, for an achievement we can call our own. for modern dance, that started off with 8 seniors, a small studio, a silver medal, and barely any recognition from the school. for the seniors, who pioneered our batch and us for our big debut. For the juniors, who were god-send and are precious, and whose hearts were set ablaze after that Friday, so they put in their all, their whole heart, mind, body, soul. For Mr Dan, who always had the most faith in us from the start- the first person to believe we could do this, the one who brought us joy and fun in dance, who was our instructor, friend and fellow dancer, who made it all possible. For who never thought that MAD's modern dance was any good, who saw our item but had doubts- not about their judgement, but of our standard, those who failed to see our pure, genuine intent, want, and emotional necessity while dancing the dance. Those who didnt understand why we could cry while dancing, how we could be as "self-assured" as to feel good about our item, when the fact was that we knew because it was something within us, something so great that it overwhelms, moves you to tears with 100% emotion. For those who never believed in us, nor believed how we could believe so much in ourselves- we have something to throw back in their faces now. we now have that verification, proof, validation to PROVE those people wrong, literally. There are people who were moved, touched... who SAW that spark in us. It was REAL and true and our tears HAD a reason. what we wanted so long, so badly, we GOT! That MOMENT it was said, when it was set down. in. stone. AT LAST it was DONE. we COMPLETED it. we could CRY and let it all out. The relief of having our fears allayed, the rare beauty of having our perfect ending- it was given to us! No- we earned it. A long, beautiful, personal, group journey... COMPLETED.